HCh's room

Since TikTok is one the most popular apps, here’s a quick summary for short-form content junkies and ad skimmers, just know you’re about to miss out on a lot (ಥ﹏ಥ)

1. I might be on the hunt for a roomie in a few months (maybe early summer), nothing confirmed! Just throwing this ad out to add another drama queen to the household in case my roomie ditches me for her boyfriend.
2. The rent doesn’t cover anything fancy! You’ll need first, last, and a $500 deposit to get in on this party.
3. The pesky property manager says you’ve gotta commit to at least a year, no sneaking out after a month! However, if you’re cool with sacrificing a bit of comfort, we might be able to work out a shorter stay. Let’s chat about it!
4. You can peace out at the start of any month you want, just give me a two-month heads up. No boring contracts, just a receipt for payment if you think I’m gonna ghost you.
5. The room comes fully furnished, so no need to bring your cheap IKEA stuff 😝.
6. Parking is like a rare Pokémon around here, but might be available for about $200-250 a month if you’re lucky.
7. You gotta be a 100% non-smoker, and honestly, it’d be better if you’re not running a zoo at home either.
8. Don’t forget to drop your LinkedIn and Airbnb link when you hit me up. Gotta do my detective work before we sign up for this roomie adventure 😈.
9. Your name can’t be Geneviève or Danny! Just messing with you (ｏ・・)ノ”(ノ<、)
10. You’ll only be sharing the bathroom with one other person, the master drama queen who shares the bathroom with queens only, sorry kings! I mean looking for another girl jokes aside as per the drama queen request (the one in the picture).
11. Looking for social, friendly folks only. If you’re all about good vibes and good conversations, we’ll get along just fine!

Hello long-form content lover and proud TikTok avoider!

Hope you’re doing great!

If you’ve made it this far, congrats! Now, let’s dive in! I already know who’s here! A lazy butt who thinks renting a place and furnishing it is too much effort? No worries, we’ve got you covered!(￣▽￣)

I’ll start with my bio and looking forward to hearing yours.

1. 33, male, omnivore, non smoker, and non drinker. My life too boring? You’re probably right dear cocaine consumer, if not heroin ┐(￣ヘ￣)┌
2. I like to think of myself as environmentally conscious, though I guess you could call me a hypocrite since I drive a gas SUV and eat meat like it’s going out of style. I do try to carpool when I can, and I’m all about using fewer paper towels. Oh, and I’m pretty good at separating my recycling and compost.
3. Moved to Canada in 2016 and spent the first five years in Quebec. Got my master’s in mechanical engineering at Concordia in Montreal, because who doesn’t love solving problems with a side of boring poutine? (Kidding… kind of.)
4. Worked as a project manager for a company in Quebec, even though most of the business was in Ontario. Yep, you guessed it, I traveled a ton at the company’s expense Muhahaha! Back then, the minimum tip was 20%, and I felt like a real big shot leaving that tip. These days it feels more like an obligation than a flex! Then I felt it was time for a new adventure, so I quit the job and packed up for Toronto! Worked as a project engineer for another company, and now I’m mostly remote with my current gig. Living the dream… in sweatpants! Danny was the guy in my first job whom I couldn’t get along with. Classic case of oil and water, you know? As a basic matter of courtesy and a solid acknowledgment of how unfortunate it was that I had to work with Danny, I expect your response to include a strong condemnation of him. (⌒_⌒;)
5. I’ve lived with about 30 roommates from all over the world: Canada, India, Iran, France, Germany, USA, Canada-Costa Rica, Japan, Brazil, Italy, Hong Kong-Canada-South Korea (he had serious identity issues =D), Pakistan, Colombia, and Russia. Let’s just say, I’ve got stories, lots of them. I’ve lived with a couple, and twice with gay roomies. Still missing a lesbian to complete the collection! Geneviève was the miserable roomie I had in Montreal (＞﹏＜). If your name is Geneviève and you still decide to reply to the ad, it’s basically like you’re trying to convince me you’re an honest politician or a virgin hooker, nice try 😉.
6. 🎉 (Not the short-term fun you’re used to, Tinder addict! Just talking about hobbies here): Before the pandemic I used to hit up this event called Mundo Lingo to meet people and play some games and sports like foosball and ping pong. After Covid, I pretty much just lie on the couch reading Trump’s The Art of the Deal. And yep, my debts have been stacking up like it’s a how-to manual! (╥_╥) Okay, getting a bit serious now. I’m into hiking and grabbed a national park annual pass in September, only to find out there aren’t many parks near Toronto. Classic. I love hitting up Cineplex for movie nights with friends and even organize the events myself! I’m also all about the spa life, especially Scandinave Blue Mountain Spa (pure bliss). Road trips are my jam. I’ve done over 10 since 2023, so unless you’ve got some hidden gems, I’m pretty sure I’ve hit all the drivable spots. And of course, I can’t forget about dining out with friends, especially at restaurants serving Mediterranean and Middle Eastern cuisine. Because who doesn’t love some hummus with their life?
7. Last but definitely not least, I’m looking for people who are down to treat this place like a second family. We’ve been living here for a couple of months, and it’s got that family vibe, movie nights, sharing meals, roasting each other, and even hitting the stores as a crew. We save big by buying in bulk, plus I’ve got the Costco membership! What more could you possibly need?! You’ll still get your privacy, but if you’re the type who prefers to lock yourself in your room and turn into a hermit, this probably isn’t the spot for you. We’re all about that group energy! Life can be a rollercoaster, and we all have our tough days. That’s why having a positive, energetic vibe in the apartment is key to shaking off the corporate stress.

About the building:

1. It’s located on Lakeshore Blvd, just below High Park. Prime location for lakeside vibes and people watching.
2. On the 5th floor, there’s a huge terrace with a bench and BBQ grill for the whole building, because who doesn’t love grilling in the sky? On the same floor, inside the building, you’ll find a gym, pool table, and ping pong table. Basically, all the essentials for pretending you’re active without actually going outside.
3. There’s no locker in the building. You might find other tenants willing to rent out their parking spot for around $200-250 a month (it’s like parking spot Tinder, match with one if you’re lucky).
4. TTC is just a few minutes walk away, and it’s only 7 km or a 10-minute drive to the CN Tower if there’s no traffic, which, let’s be real, almost never happens. Unless, you’re a vampire out on the hunt for fresh blood at 2 AM.

About the apartment:

1. It’s on the 4th floor with loads of natural light and a beautiful view of the lake. From this speculator view, you’ll normally find people walking their dogs, and indeed some bending down to scoop the poop. Perfect for pretending you’re living the dream.
2. The whole place is furnished (yes, including the room), so you don’t need to worry about that IKEA assembly disaster.
3. The apartment has 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. You’ll share a bathroom with one other person, the famous drama queen. So, no traffics in the mornings for the bathroom.
4. The room comes fully furnished with a non-IKEA queen/double bed, desk, and drawer, because who needs those DIY nightmares when you’ve got actual furniture?
5. We’ve got an automatic espresso machine, and we share the coffee beans, unless you’re one of those rare unicorns who wakes up fully functional and ready to conquer the world, while the rest of us are just trying to find our dignity in the bottom of a coffee mug. I mean if you don’t drink coffee.
6. The apartment also has a washer and dryer, so you won’t have to deal with laundromats and that awkward moment when you lie to the homeless person asking for change, claiming you’re totally broke while secretly stacking up quarters for your laundry. No shame, right?
7. Now, the fine print: Nothing is included in the rent. Internet is $55/month, hydro runs between $60-$140/month (higher in summer, lower in winter), and tenant insurance is about $36/month. Common stuff like bathroom paper, dish soap, and the occasional bottle of wine (just kidding… kind of) will be shared.
8. There are two Google Nests in the apartment: the first one controls the living room and the first bedroom, and the second one controls the middle room and mine.

Rules:

I’m not one of those people who’s gonna tell you “no working from home” or “only cook occasionally.” You pay rent, you’ve got the right to be in the apartment 24/7 and cook as much as you want. That being said, there are some basic rules to follow. There’s a big difference between living alone and sharing a place. The upside? We split the rent and costs. The downside? We gotta keep the place clean and respect each other’s space. I’m not a clean freak, but sharing a space means we’ve all gotta pitch in. If you see my bathroom, you’ll probably find it’s not exactly spotless, but that’s because I’m the only one using it! But the kitchen? I keep that tidy. I clean up after every meal.

I’ve brought a few of the rules here, and will share the entire encyclopedia if you were still interested :P

Here you are:

1. If you work from home, no problem at all! You’ll have a comfy desk and chair in your room. Just a heads up though, no turning the living room into your office. That space is for chilling, not for Zoom calls and spreadsheets.
2. Hands, face, and teeth, all of that should be washed or brushed in the bathroom sink, not the kitchen sink. The kitchen sink is for food, not for your daily hygiene routine. And just to make things clear: I’ve added a little something to the kitchen faucet so that if you try mixing toothpaste or face wash with it, you’ll be spending more time on the toilet than you bargained for. Constipation isn’t the vibe we’re going for, trust me (｡•́︿•̀｡). Stick to the bathroom sink, and we’ll all be good.
3. You will do your best to ensure I’m always comfortable in the apartment, that II never run out of groceries, my clothes are perfectly washed and ironed, and my car is free of dust and dirt……. Yeah like I’m a total douchebag! I’m already so disappointed by seeing your boring inquiries like “is it still available?”, “Is there a parking?”, “what is the average speed of the boats sailing on the lake in knots?” etc. In fact, I wouldn’t even be surprised if I go to the bathroom after you and find out you forgot to flush. I’m not expecting you to do me a favor, just do your stuff and it’ll be much appreciated! (¬_¬ )
4. Shoes off at the entrance, no exceptions. Just drop them on the shoe rack when you walk in. And if you forget something and have to go back to grab it, guess what? You’ll have to take your shoes off again to go get it. It’s a shoe-free zone.
5. Alright guys, you gotta be very particular about aim when tinkling. No number one standing up. Why? Because I care about your health! 🤔 Physicists have found that standing up significantly increases the velocity of the stream and potential for backsplash, amounting to less hygienic, more bacteria-filled bathrooms. ……. Yes, like I give a sht about your health! (^.^*) Of all the things I care about the least, your health status ranks somewhere between a free Nokia3310 charger and sending Bitcoin to some sketchy guy from a convenience store who claims to be from the CRA 😆. It’s just that you normally sprinkle when you tinkle, and honestly, I don’t need my manager getting a front-row seat to your number one opera performance during an online meeting.
6. Credit report, first & last month’s rent & deposit, and a letter of employment are required. So, if you shovel elephant sht at a circus, you better bring a letter from the ringmaster himself confirming that you’re officially employed in that glamorous role (/_＼)

If you’re still reading this, you must have a screw loose, LOL! Kidding! You’re doing awesome! Keep going, you’re so close to the end!

I always say, never judge people unless you know them well. Funny thing is, I seem to get judged all the time. But, thanks to Geneviève and the wildly unbelievable stories she kept bringing in, I’m left with no choice but to judge you based on your response and profiles. I mean, what else am I supposed to do? 😜I clearly don’t have time to relive the chaos Geneviève caused back in 2018. 😅 So, if you don’t get a response (especially if you see the ad gets bumped up after you reply), please don’t take it personally! It’s not you, it’s just that we might not be the perfect match for living together. Toronto is a huge city, keep checking out other ads, and I’m sure you’ll find a cozy spot that’s a better fit.

Reply to me if:

You’ve introduced yourself properly. Something as solid as my introduction at the beginning. 😉

Your LinkedIn and Airbnb profiles are included.

You’re ready to provide a letter of employment and credit report.

Looking forward to hearing from you! (*°ｰ°)ﾉ